Worthless and Weak

Alrighty then. Since I used yesterday's entry to describe Saturday's things, perhaps I'll make a proper introduction to the blog today. Anyway, I was fed up with fortunecities, because they suck. I realized that I couldn't find any other free web page hosting thing, so I just decided to go with blogspot. (for those of you who are wondering, my old page is located at http://members.fortunecity.com/garylogn )

But onward, to bigger and better things. The purpose of this blog is to show you how worthless and weak you are, I will use instances from my own life to illustrate this. Really though, this is just a place where I can post random things about my life, and pretend that other people read them. So anyway, I'm going to try to post here as much as possible, which means that I'll probably post 4 times within the next week, and the 3 times in the next year. I wish I was more disciplined in doing things like that. But alas, if I don't brush my teeth immediately after breakfast, I won't brush them until before I go to bed. Anyway, I'll try to post here as much as possible. Oh, and bonus points to whoever can tell me which song "You're all Worthless and Weak" comes from. Email me at garyl_2000@yahoo.com

Now that I've introduced this, let me write stuff for you to read.

First of all, today is my first day of on-call status for federal jury duty. Which means that each friday I have to call the federal court house and see if I need to report for jury duty. Anyways, after I got back from my last class today, I find that I have been summoned to appear for State Jury duty. This evening, I said to my roommate Seth, "well, at least it isn't during finals week." He didn't catch the sarchasm in my voice. Anyway, so I'll have yet another opportunity to extract justice upon the simpletons that populate this wretched city. Oh how they will long for the days when you'd get boiled alive for a minor transgression. My judgement will be quick and merciless, I promise you.

But on to more pressing matters. Viking kittens who sing Led Zeppelin are an unholy abomonation, and they must be clensed from this earth. Silly kittens, don't you realize that you're not Norse warriors.

GRRR!!!! Anyway, I just wrote a huge entry for today, and it was lost. GRRRRR!!!!!!!

Now that the grring is over with, let me start the entry. Its really yesterdays, because: A) I didn't have this yesterday, so I couldnt' post it then, and B) absolutely nothing happened today. So, here we go....

About a week ago, my roommate sneakily walks into my room and, in a very suspicious voice says, "Sooooo, Garrett what are you doing next Saturday?" Now, if you don't know him, let me tell you a little something about Seth. He's a shifty little bastard who will stab you in the back just for fun. You really shouldn't trust him. And I don't. Anyway, so then my other roommate, Nate, and his girlfriend walk in. And so I ask them whats going on next Saturday. They both laugh an evil, maniacal laugh. So now Nates out to get me too. And his girlfriend. Those evil people! I know I never should have trusted him. So, I spend the rest of my week asking people what they are doing next Saturday trying to determine whether or not they're in on it.

Eventually, I realize, "hey, what's the worst that can happen?" Think about it. Seth may be a evil, devious little boy, but he's about as sharpe as a sack of wet mice. Melissa put it best when she said, "I wouldn't worry about it. He's pretty much harmless." So, I decided to be confident. But, lest I become arrogant and careless, I also decided to remain paranoid. And as Andy Grove or Ted Kazinsky will tell you, paranoia is a usefull thing. Anyway, so I think to myself, "hey, Saturday would be a great day for my ultimate victory!" And indeed it would. Nothing could be more fitting than succeeding where other's have failed, than reaping the fruits of my labor on the very day my enemy wishes to destory me. How sweet it would be! I'd have the entire universe in my the palm of my hand. I'd have riches beyond what you pitiful humans can imagine. I'd have the most beautiful maidens in the world sing me songs and feed me fruit. And it will all be mine on the very day my arch-enemy seeks to vanquish me from the earth. Mwa-ha-ha! But alas, the best-laid plans of mice and men go oft astray, and mine was no exception. I didn't achieve the ultimate goal this weekend, and it doesn't look like I will next weekend either. I regret to inform you that I cannot devulge the details of my plans on so public a forum as this, as publishing it would destroy my ability to pursue my ambitions and seek the goal which I so desperately need to attain. However, as soon as I succeed, I will tell you all here.

But back to Seth, who is neither a man nor a mouse. So Saturday comes, and nothing much happens for a while. I go and take a walk, and when I return, Seth is suspiciously missing from our apartment. I knew he was up to no good, but I had no idea what. So he comes back in, and then proceeds to give me tickets the Sox game. Joy! So it turns out, that while I thought he was trying to betray me, he was really planning to do something for me which he knew I would enjoy. What a fellow, I'm really glad that I know him. And it just goes to show, that with enemies like Seth, who needs friends? One final note, Seth will tell you that he wasn't planning for the game, that he randomly had a chance to buy the tickets from a kid that morning, but don't believe him. He's just trying to be modest. He was really planning that for the whole week, if not longer.