Worthless and Weak

There are two basic strategies that I am contemplating in dealing with women, specifically in how often I converse with a single one. When conversing through e-mail, this is a actually a very simple problem You merely write to them after they have written to you. You won't write too much, and you won't write too little. If the conversation goes dead for a little bit, you can write once more to try to spark it back up, but if she doesn't reply, thats a perfect signal.

Phones are radically different, but not much of a problem either. It takes a conscience choice to make a phone call, so I don't do it too often.

The problem arises for me with instant messenger. First, let me digress and say that the advantages of IM are gigantic overall (which maybe I'll write a post on some time), but they do pose some problems. The nature of its problems (and its advantages) is that is an inherently passive communication devise.

That is, I'm just online, and there's a list of my buddies who are also online, and I can talk to any of them. To me, its almost like I'm walking down the street and I see the girl. I have to say hi, right? Otherwise, it would be like I was intentionally snubbing her.

But with IM, its a little different. I feel on the one hand that if I see her, I have to say hi to her, its like seeing her on the street. On the other hand, I feel that if say hi to her every time, I will be harassing her, or at the very least (potentially) talking to her more than she wants to talk to me.

Now, there are two basic strategies in dealing with this (and almost all) situations. The first is to over-think it. The draw back of this plan is that I can't possibly think of everything, so it will backfire on me.

The other strategy is to be myself. The major problem with this is that it inevitably leads to strategy number one, as I'm the kind of person who over-thinks things. Also, if really being myself were such a great strategy, I'd already have found true love, because who is better at being me than me?

(as an aside, what people really mean when they say "be your self" is relax and be confident. Which is actually really really good advice in many many situations).

My worry about "being myself" is that I would come on too strong, because I would talk to any hypothetical girl waayyyy too often. So, I tend to "over-think," primarily to act as a shield, basically, from time to time, I do the opposite of what my instinct is, because in the long run I'm going to be following my instinct enough anyway.

Thoughts are, as always, welcome.

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