Worthless and Weak

Last Sunday, the Golden Globes were awarded. The Oscars are coming up, as are the Grammy's, I think. That means its awards season, and you're probably keeping tack right now. But, what of the biggest award of the season. The one who everyone is dying to know about. The one which you simply cannot live without knowing who wins. Yes, I'm talking about the second annual GL person of the year award. And, I am happy to announce the nominations right now.

First off is Luke, who narrowly missed a nomination last year. He spent all the first half of last year at my appartment, and I spent the second half at his. So that kinda evens out. Anyway, we're there for each other, we support each other, or at least we did last year.

Secondly, Jon. At first I didn't like Jon, because he didn't spell his name with an H. But then it was revealed to me that I don't either, and that I should stop criticizing people. Anyway, he and I spent lots of time over meals and such discussing baseball, much to the annoyance of Jon's girlfriend and former nominee Melissa. Anyway, I've known Jon for about the entire year, and he is a really nice guy, so he's got that going for him.

Brittany. Over the summer, most people were either gone or really busy, so I spent more time over the summer with her than any of my other friends. Anyway, she's really nice, and really silly, and real easy to have a whole lot of fun with, hence the nomination.

The 2003 Boston Red Sox. Good times, good times. The highest highs, the lowest lows. We road that roller coaster together, and although as much as I thought that you were the one, and as much as it dissapointed me when I learned so painfully that you weren't, nothing can take the great times and incredible memories away from us. We'll always have game the ALDS, game 6 of the ALCS, Jeremy Giambi stealing to win against the Yankees, Trot Nixons grand slam in Philly, (i could go on).

Mary. Of all my friends, I think that Mary is perhaps the most different from me. (which makes her probably the least different overall, but thats another story). Anyway, despite the fact that we have little besides our love of the red sox in common, she is still a really nice person, and that means a heck of a lot. So, Mary gets a nomination. Also, Mary recieves an automatic nomination, because she was the 1000th person to visit my website.

Salim, for playing frisbee, and for being in a few of the same classes as I. And for being another all around good guy.

John Kerry. He has made absolutely no impact on my life in any way whatsoever. However, I suppose that I should be nominating people based on their ability to win, and seeing how he has managed to win contests in which he had no chance whatsoever, I suppose I should include him, just in case he can find a way to win.

Also recieving consideration: Seth, Sean, Mark, Steffy, Todd, Berky, Sylvia, Melissa, Ciania, Trebla, Family, Megan, Nate, Seth Chris and Mike, and Mickey. And if you haven't been mentioned, it means I hate you and hope you die a slow painful death. Winner to be announced sometime before the 2004 GL person of the year award nominations are announced.

"Why do you notice the speck in your brother's eye, but you don't notice the plank that is in your own eye? Why do you say to your brother, 'Let me take that speck out of your eye? Look at yourself first! You still have that plank in your eye. You are a hypocrite! First, take the plank out of your own eye. Then you will see clearly enough ot take the speck out of your brother's eye."

--Matthew: 7, 1-5

"Humility: once you think you've got it, you've lost it"
--Dan Olsen


I like to think of myself as a humble person. Which is a stupid thing to do. Because, well, the act of thinking yourself humble is in and of itself a very unhumble thing to do. But anyway, I think myself quite humble, because well, that's something that I really try to work hard on, and because the phrase above is perhaps my favorite Bible verse, and stuff like that.

But, for a while now, I've been thinking how much better everyone around me would be if they were as humble as I am. But, if only I realized that I am the one who needs to be humble. I've been really really arrogant lately, and I think that I've lost track of what it means to be a good person. Somebody I know has perhaps been purposely avoiding me ( i think) because they think that I would be bad for them. And after thinking about it for a while, I agree with them, I wouldn't be a good friend. And I see no way to fix the internal contradiction that makes me like that. Basically, I'm kinda figuring out exactly how worthless and weak I really am. And I don't say this to make any of you feel sorry for me, or to go out in public and show everyone how humble I am by putting myself down. I'm writing this to remind myself that I can become a better person. That I need to look at myself, and know that I need to concentrate on making Garrett Logan a much better person, not on making anyone else better. Anyway, I guess that what I've got to do is to just plain stop judging other people, and to stop thinking myself better than they are. Because well, I'm probably not that much better off than they are right now. And its hard. And I need to stop lecturing people about how they should run their lives, because, a: they're not gonna listen anyway, and b: I really don't know how to run my own life.

And, although this can certainly be interpreted as a way of telling certain individuals to be more humble, (like me), thats not what I intend it to be. I just want it to be written for me, to help me get back on track. In fact, I'm really wondering whether or not to post this. I want to post it, for people to read, but I kinda hope that nobody ever reads it. Because I really need to stop telling everyone how their lives could get so much freaking better by acting like me. Well, how about this, I post it, and if any loyal reader think that I need to remove it, then just send me an email

Well, goodnight, see you all tomorrow.

(feels kinda stupid)

There's something about a racoon that if it sees a shiny thing in a box, it will grab it and not let go. If they can't get their fist out of the box, then they will just stay there. Well, there is a "shiny" object in my life, and I know that I should just let go, because every time I try to grab it I just end up hurting myself. I've resigned myself to my fate, so I don't really get giant pangs of depression when I am reminded that I fail. Just a kind of "sigh" and roll your eyes and wish that things were just a bit different. I imagine it must be something like cheering for the Detroit Tigers in July or sometime. I mean, they aren't mathematically eliminated, but they certainly aren't going to win. Anyway see you all later, I've got to get ready for school.

Ever think that maybe when you go to sleep you wake up in a different dimension? Like, one day, you go to bed and Howard Dean is a near lock to win the Democratic presidential nomination, and then you wake up and suddenly John Kerry has a gigantic lead. Seriously, I have absolutely no idea what the hell is going on. I mean, it ins't really like something actually happened.

On to other matters. I want to discuss something with somebody. I really really really want to. However, I know that I can't be the person to bring it up. Furthermore, I know that the person who I want to talk to is never ever ever going to bring it up ever.

Anyway, I'm going to bed, so I can go to work tomorrow morning.

I talked to Bill today, the infamous kid from freshman year. One of three people who have ever roomed with that crazy Seth kid, the winner of the first annual GL person of the year award. Anyway, me and Seth were driving in the car, and we started talking about Bill, and I was like, I've got his number, and so Seth called him, and I guess he's coming up sometime soon, for Mickey's birthday. So we're all gonna hang out, and it will be like Freshman year all over again. Awesome!!!

I have a major announcement to make. I am no longer Garrett, I am now Thaddeus McMonster. Whats the difference between Garrett and Thaddeus, you might ask? Well, for starters, my aol screen name is now "ThadeusMcMonster" instead of garylogn. Second of all, everybody now loves me. Furthermore, instead of getting my McDonalds meal "supersized", I get it "McMonsterized." Also a bunch of other important stuff.

Anyway, I've got a lot of stuff that needs doing soon, so I'll get to bed now and see you all later.

Quote of the day:

"I'm sorry, I didn't know Rush Limbaugh was your uncle"

Quote of the week:

Seth: Luke, come here, I want to wrap myself around you.

Ya know, if I had a billion dollars, I still couldn't buy Arkansas. But, if I had a billion dollars, I wouldn't want to own Arkansas anymore.

Now sometimes words can serve me well
Sometimes words can go to hell
For all that they do.
And for every dream that took me high
There's been a dream that's passed me by.
I know it's so true



It could have been so beautiful, but it wasn't meant to be. I think I'm finally realizing that I cannot make my dreams come true, that they are dead, and have been dead for a while. So, I sit alone and figure out how much longer I should keep my dreams alive, a week? a month? a year? I don't know how long I will keep my dreams, but soon enough, I will deposit them on top of all the other dreams I've ever had, spit on them and walk away, and wonder why I ever dreamt them in the first place. And I'll put a shiny, new dream on the pedastal, worship it daily, and think of nothing but it. I don't know what it will be, but the cycle will continue, until maybe a dream comes true, and who knows what will happen then. But for now, I'll wait a week, or a month, or a year. I suppose I should just get it over with, dispose of my dreams right now, but I don't want to, because it would have been so beautiful. If only it was meant to be.

I had a big post written about a riddle I was trying to solve, when, all of the sudden, it solved itself. Night!!! :)

So I got onto the subway today, going inbound. I was at the very back, and it started to get crowed. At one stop, I saw a couple of friends trying to get on the car, entering in the very front. At first, I wasn't sure if they made it on or not, but then I saw the tall one at the other end. I waved to him a couple times, but he didn't see me at first. Eventually, he saw me, and we waved at each other. Of course, we can't talk or anything. So, after we wave, the only other method of communication would be for me to make obscene gestures at him. Of course, I don't really want to make obscene gestures at him, so we just kinda stood there and stared at each other for a while. Once he got off the T, I waved to him and my other, shorter friends, who I could not see whistle on the subwar car.

The weird part is that last year I kept on running into the tall kid a lot at random places, and of course didn't while he was on co-op last semester. Howevever, he's been in the city for about 9 days now, and I've already run into him twice now. Freaky.

Anyway, even though its only 11, I'm starting to feel real tired. So, I kinda feel like going to bed. If you were to leave me an e-mail, I would so very very very happy. YAY!!!!

Every so often, I get down on my knees, and pray to God. And every single time, every time, he has answered the prayer, and given me what I asked for. Well, God just answered a huge prayer for me, and still I'm gonna doubt that he exists. So God, please, help me with my unbelief. Because you are so incredibly awesome that you blow my mind. And you have done so much for me that I can't possibly imagine. I love you God, and please don't ever let me forget that.

And if anybody is reading this, I can tell you that either God certainly does exist, or I am soooooo lucky that its hard to imagine.

Does Bert Byleven belong in the hall of fame? My initial thought was that he didn't belong in the hall. With only 287 wins, he misses the magic 300 mark. Which is ok, if you have a lot of other things going for you, such as lots of 20 win seasons. Byleven has one. Bacically, my thought was that his supporters believe that he has a "hall of fame career." My initial thought was that he had a career which might have been better than many hall of famers, that alone doens't make him a hall of famer.

For instance, Sandy Koufax won 165 games. Which will not get you into the hall. However, he packed his greatness into those 165 wins, winning 25 games three seasons, leading the league in ERA for 5 straight years, and leading the majority of significant pitching statistics from 1962 to 1966. So, to say that anyone who has more wins than Sandy Koufax is automatically the better pitcher would be kinda silly.

So, to figure out if Byleven had a "hall of fame" career, or enough extra things to put him into the hall, I decided to compare him to 7 Hall of Famers with a similar number of wins. Those hall of famers are Red Ruffing, with 273 wins, Fergie Jenkins, with 284, Robin Roberts, with 286, Early Winn, with 300, Phil Niekro, with 318, and Nolan Ryan and Don Sutton, with 324 each. I didn't include Mickey Welch and Ol' Hoss Radbourn, because I think that the game (and especially pitching) had changed so much since the 1880's that it would be kind of silly to compare them. I didn't include Lefty Grove and Tom Seaver, because, well, they're lefty Grove and Tom Seaver. I didn't include Clemens or Maddux both because they are not in yet, and because I put those two closer to Seaver and Grove in quality than to Ryan, Niekro, et al. Looking back, I'm not really sure why I didn't include Gaylord Perry.

In looking at career, I looked at wins, ERA compared to the league average (ERA+), innings pitched, runs saved versus a pitcher 80% of average (ie, ip * ERA+ -.8), and Bill James' Win Shares.

In the individual season basis, I looked at three things. First, big win seasons, both the number of 20 win seasons and the number of 17 win seasons. Second, ERA, which I measured by the number of seasons leading the league in ERA or ERA+, and the number of seasons in the top 5 in ERA or ERA+. (ERA+ is adjusted for the ballpark, so that you can lead the league in ERA and not ERA+. Also, I only give them credit for leading in one stat, so if you're leading say 1982 NL in either ERA or ERA+ you get a point, but not two if you lead both). Third, the ability to strike people out, measured by seasons leading the league in strikeouts, top 5 in strikeouts, leading the league in strikeouts per inning pitched, and top 5 in strikeouts per inning pitched.

I weighed the rankings by first assinging a rank to each statistic, 1 through 8, then adding up all the ranks in a particular category. For instance, Nolan Ryan was first in years leading the league in strikouts, top 5 in strikeouts, years leading the league in strikeouts per inning pitched, and top five in strikeouts per inning pitched. Thus, his score is 4, which (not suprisingly) is first in that category. Then, I add that rank to his rank for the ERA section and his big win section, and I get a final score, which I compare to everyone else, get a new rank, (in Ryans case, 3rd), which I add to the career rank, and get a final score, and then I can get a final order of who is best.

Now, this is an interesting way to look at things, but there are huge wholes in it. For instance, if, instead of looking at Ryan, I looked at Gaylord Perry, then the whole results could be different. Also, it doesn't measure the margin of difference. In looking at the seasons leading the league in strikeouts, Early Winn and Robin Roberts were tied for second, with 2 apiece. Nolan Ryan was first, with 11. So what it does is say that the advantage of 2 over 1 is actually bigger than the advantage of having 11 over 2. Also, it doesn't measure the margin of the victory. For instance, Nolan Ryan lead the 1987 NL in strikeouts by 37, while Byleven lead the 85 AL in strikeouts by only 8. But, its still useful in comparing individual pitchers, and its fun to do.

Anyway, winner of first place was none other than Bert Byleven himself, which kinda forced me to re-examine my whole perception about Byleven not being worthy for the hall. According to my method, Byleven had the second best career, only Niekro was better. And, in terms of seasonal things, Byleven actually ranks first overall. He was in the middle of the pack in terms of big win seasons (in a three way tie for fifth), He was 4th in leading the league in strikeouts and strikeouts per inning pitched, (partially because he spent a portion of his career pitching in the same league as Ryan), but was second in the top 5 in both categories. Finally, he was the best in terms of the ERA, only Ryan led the league in ERA more times, and nobody was in the top 5 as much as Byleven. Thus, he ended up tied with Early Winn for the lead in the individual season analysis. Ryan would have won, but had hardly any big win seasons. Thus, having the best season by season rank, and the second best career rank, Byleven comes ahead overall. The final results are as follows,

1. Bert Byleven
2. Nolan Ryan
3. Early Winn
3. Phil Niekro
3. Robin Roberts
6. Fergie Jenkins
7. Don Sutton
7. Red Ruffing

Now, I still won't go as far as to say that Byleven belongs in the hall of fame, and I think that he's not as good a pitcher as Ryan, Winn, Niekro or Roberts. Furthermore, if I was in charge of the hall, I'm not sure that Ruffing, Sutton, or Jenkins would get in. But I will say that Byleven has had a better career as other hall of famers, who he is compareable to in terms of big seasons.

sick as all get-out. I hope I wake up feeling better. I hope I can get to work tomorrow.

I freaked myself out today. Me and Luke were watching TV today, and after flipping through a few channels we saw a movie starting with the customary "due to Violent Content, parental discretion is advised." And I said aloud "I hope its a Jean Claude Van Damme" film. And, no sooner than I said that, the words "Jean Claude Van Damme" appeared on the screen.

Anyway, on my way home, I ran into Melissa, Jon, and a few of their friends, so I said hi and wished Melissa a happy birthday, and wondered why she wasn't drunk yet.

Anyway, if you're reading this, I would like to wish you a happy new year. Unless you're Melissa, in which case I'd like to wonder why the hell you're not drunk yet.